My faithful God and bleeding brain

I remember coming home the day my brain started bleeding.

I had worked the morning shift that Friday and was pulling into my driveway when the spots in my eyes wouldn’t go away. I nonchalantly dismissed it as the brightness of the morning sun, thinking nothing of it at first.

An hour later, when those spots hadn’t gone away, when my fingers were numb and tingling, and when my body was shaking from the severe pain in my head, it was no longer something I could dismiss.

By the time my husband drove me to St. Mary’s General Hospital emergency room in Kitchener, Ont., my body was weak and shaking. Upon hearing my symptoms, staff pushed me to the front of the ER list and I was given the next available bed.

Tubes, needles and various other medical instruments were attached to me as medical staff began their testing to confirm the suspected diagnosis: I had suffered a burst aneurysm in my brain, a sub-arachnoid brain hemorrhage. In other words, a small blister on a blood vessel in my brain had popped, leaving blood on my brain.

The doctors said I may need surgery to fix the bleed, and I was sent to a Hamilton hospital for further testing. During this time, I was strangely calm and confident. My husband was at my side through every step.

God was just as close, as though he was sitting next to me on my hospital bed whispering love and encouragement into my heart. I can say that I was not afraid. I had everything I needed.

I must emphasize that it is not bravado that allows me to say I was not scared. It was, and is, the knowledge that God is a faithful God. It was as simple as being reminded that God has given me specific promises for my life, and I have not yet seen those all come to fruition. God is the promise-maker, and keeper, and that is who he is. Nothing, not even a brain bleed, threatens who God is or what he promises.

After countless tests and extensive mapping of my brain, the doctors eventually came to me with results. The aneurysm, without medical interference, had healed itself. As such, I could go home to a long, slow recovery. When I received this news, it was not something spectacular. It was an orderly delivering of a medical diagnosis that allowed me to vacate my hospital bed for the next patient, and for business at the hospital to continue as usual.

It wasn’t until I began sharing this story within the community that I realized that, to many, this was a spectacular event. For me, it was God again showing me his faithfulness, something that is demonstrated daily. Yes, it is amazing that I was healed. It was as though God had reached out with his finger and touched my brain, saying, “No, it’s not her time. I have given her promises.”

It was spectacular that God healed me, but it is also spectacular that I have daily bread, that my sins are forgiven and that God blesses me with more than I need.

There are two common responses I receive on the occasion that someone discovers I am recovering from a brain aneurysm:

• First, they point out the seriousness of the event, citing that they know someone who has died from the same thing. It’s not exactly a statement of faith or encouragement, but I can understand that, for most people, death is more commonly understood than faith, especially in regards to a brain aneurysm.

• Second, they pose a question, asking how the aneurysm has changed my life. This brain aneurysm was not a defining moment in my life. It was not a life-changing experience. My experience was in keeping with the God I have been serving and loving my whole life. He has shown me that he has promised faithfulness and nothing can threaten that.

Make no mistake, this is not a story of how I chose to be faithful in a life-threatening situation. I firmly believe that faith is not “my choice” in how to handle an event. My choice is relationship with God. In that relationship, God reminds me of his identity, and that is what causes the reaction of faith. That is what makes this a story in which God reminded me of who he is all the time, and I believed him. It is purely the acknowledgement of God’s character that caused the reaction of faith, rather than the “choice of faith.”

As I continue to recover from the long-term effects of a brain bleed, God continues to remind me of who he is. He is faithful.

Brandi Friesen Thorpe’s Mennonite roots were grown in Saskatchewan, flourished in Manitoba, and have explored the global church in South America and Europe. At 24, she joyfully resides for a season in Winnipeg, researching generational trauma in Mennonite communities and investing in a church plant in the city’s West End.