This is 30

I was anxious in the weeks leading up to my 30th birthday. I didn’t expect an encounter with a tall, lanky Winnipeg musician I barely know to give me peace of mind about the situation.

If you asked me at 20 what 30 would look like, I probably would have told you something about a house, a wife, a few kids and being further along in my career than I am now, although I’m not sure I would have been able to define “further along in my career.” I probably would have told you that by 30 I would have “accomplished a lot,” although again I’m not sure I would have been able to concretely define what “accomplishing a lot” means.

I think “What have I accomplished?” is a common thing people ask themselves as they approach “milestone” birthdays our society has drenched with importance.

When I ask myself that question, at first it seems the answer is, “Not much.” I think of how, by the time they were 30, the members of U2 had released their classic album, The Joshua Tree, and they were already writing and recording Achtung Baby, another multi-million-selling, seminal rock record.

I’m not sure how I think comparing myself to millionaire Irish rock stars is fair, but that’s where my mind was going as I thought about 30.

A conversation with a musician far less known and revered than Bono and The Edge helped put things in perspective for me.

One Friday evening in March, I met my cousin Joey for drinks at Cousin’s, a popular watering hole in Winnipeg’s West Broadway neighbourhood. As we chatted with Joey’s friend Bobby, turning 30 was the topic of conversation.

“I’m not stressed about it,” said Bobby, the front man in a local rock band. “I have a good job that gives me the freedom to keep playing in my band. I’m surrounded by people I care about, and I’m more available for my family and friends than I ever have been before.”

Bobby wasn’t concerned about what he had or hadn’t accomplished in the first 29-and-a-half years of his life. Instead, his focus was on the relationships he has with the people he cares about. That focus wasn’t on what he was getting out of his relationships. Rather, his focus was on what he can give of his time and energy.

Thinking about this in the weeks leading up to my April 10 birthday calmed me down. Life at 30 might not be what I expected, but as I focused more on the relationships in my life and less on what I had or hadn’t accomplished, I became less anxious.

Ultimately, it’s my faith in God and my relationships with the people I care about that are most important to me. I find myself at a point in my life where, now more than ever, I am available to God and the people I love.

Getting to this point hasn’t been easy, and has included asking myself a lot of hard questions and doing a lot of intense work to better myself, much of which has been documented in the pages of this magazine: for example, the articles “Come to prayer, come to well-being,” and “Eating less, moving more.”

The work has been worth it, though. Ultimately, whether or not I ever accomplish something on par with The Joshua Tree, my most important desire is to love and serve God and other people.

--Posted June 4, 2014