Confessions of a gay Mennonite

In addition to being smart, funny, politically conservative and an entrepreneur, Jude (a pseudonym) is also same-sex-oriented, a secret he has kept from his parents and most of his community.

Now living in Winnipeg, this 25-year-old Mennonite from Winkler, Man., has a shy and humble nature, evident in his composure as he sits in a coffee shop for an interview.

Family has always been important for Jude, who works with his parents in the family business. However, there is a tension he holds with his family that he believes can never be reconciled.

“My parents are the only people I’ve ever wanted to please,” says Jude. “But they’re also people that can never totally accept me for who I am.”

Jude finds himself stuck between neither relating completely to his community in Winkler, nor finding solidarity with modern “gay culture.”

This dichotomy has put a strain on Jude as he tries to navigate these dual lives of being “out” in his personal life and “in” in his family and professional lives.

Much of the motivation for hiding his sexual orientation comes from stigma against same-sex orientation he sensed while growing up in Winkler.

He has no intention of ever telling his school or church friends from Winkler about his sexual orientation because he believes he would not be received kindly.

“In Mennonite families, shaming is a big business,” says Jude. “Some places have drive-by shootings. Winkler has drive-by shamings. Saying nothing about it means less shaming than acknowledging what people might suspect.”

Jude feels it’s the prospect of being shamed that colours much of his family’s prejudice against same-sex-oriented people.

The thought of their own son being one of these people would cause them anxiety, he believes. What would people at church think?

For Jude, trying to tell his family something they don’t want to know isn’t worth the tears, hurt and denial.

“Your parents say they’ll love you no matter what, but the thought of them knowing something like this makes me wonder, do they really?” says Jude.

Another aspect framing his family’s prejudice against same-sex oriented people is stereotypical, flamboyant “gay culture,” with which Jude has no interest in being associated.

Jude laments how lesbian/gay/ bisexual/transgendered/queer Pride parades, that used to be respectable political protests, have turned into flashy displays of scantily clad people dancing atop floats.

For Jude, maintaining a bit of humour is important.

From dodging his mother, who asks him about any women in his life, to dealing with people associated with the kind of “gay culture” he wants to avoid, his mantra remains, “If you don’t laugh, you cry.”

While many same-sex-oriented people often feel isolated from the church and their faith, this does not describe Jude’s experience.

He finds comfort in a church congregation in Winnipeg that he feels is more accepting of his orientation. He believes stigma against same-sex-oriented people is a product of a history informed by human beings, and not one of God. 

The Voice of the Voiceless articles were written for Canadian Mennonite University’s Journalism: Practices and Principles course during the Winter 2013 semester. Teacher Carl DeGurse is vice-chair of Canadian Mennonite’s board of directors and assistant city editor of the Winnipeg Free Press.